Namak Magazine - Will Smith / Hitch

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Roxanna Bina questioned Will Smith on his role in the film, Hitch, dating and relationships. The bulk of her questions and his replies are presented on page 16. Here are additional Q/A's...

What do you think a relationship with all these rules for women about not calling the guy?
I think that you’ve got to understand when you say the word “rule”, like in successful communication, what does rule mean? A rule is something that you follow up until the point you understand what the flow of things is going to be and then you take over. A rule is only a guideline; a rule isn't something you absolutely have to follow. The Ying to the Yang of the rule is the exception. If you have the rule, and the exception, you don’t have one without the other, so a rule isn’t a 100 per cent; a rule is 90 per cent of the time. We are fairly predictable creatures. If you pay attention to the patterns, the rules or the principles or the guidelines can be kind of powerful, but you’ve got to understand them in order to throw them away.

What about going Dutch?
A lot of people are into the going Dutch thing - that’s really the older generation who are really firm on the man has to pay for everything and today, in America women are working and have their own money. It’s not as prevalent as it was 30 years ago. Going Dutch thing is much more common now, even a woman paying.

Did you study Cary Grant for this?
No, there are real guys out there that do this. There is something that seems sort of sleazy about it in real life, people are willing to look at the fictional environment and feels like a trick, but it’s not really a trick. They are learning the principles. We had focus groups, we sat with psychologists, we really got into more of the mistakes that people make.

What's your favorite romantic comedy?
There are very few movies that have the combination that we were trying to create with Hitch. Sleepless in Seattle is like romantically the best. Then you have films on the other end of it, like 50 First Dates. That film was just hilarious, really funny. With Hitch, we were trying to create a film that was able to sustain an allergic reaction, where people are cracking up and in the next scene, she was talking about how her sister almost died when she was little, and how that effected her with making a decision on not to love at all. Because when you love, something happens and you get hurt. I think that was a really great balance. I feel like that balance is a rare romantic comedy balance.

Is Kevin a good kisser?
Ah, not as good as Eva!

Do you think women want to be listened to?
See I think listening is a big key, but listening is half of it. The biggest key is communication and people say communication all the time, but nobody knows what communication is. If you ask somebody to define communication - say, tell me what communication is? And you’ll be surprised that nobody can really say what communication is. Communication is, I have a thought for a feeling or an idea in my mind and I’m going to use these words that we’ve agreed to represent different things. I’m going to use as many as words as it takes for that identical picture for that thought, feeling or idea to come into your mind and into your heart. We haven’t communicated until both things have happened. People think that because they are talking and they are saying what they feel, that they are communicating, they are not actually communicating until it’s successfully received. Then the communication is complete. So with that thought, we’ve spent so much time clarifying, are you sure you understand what I’ve said? Are you sure you understand what I mean? And they then repeat it back and you’d be surprised, you almost never successfully communicate with someone, like all the talking that you do on the telephone is the worse. You’ve never had a successful communication over the telephone (laughs). People just very rarely understand what you are saying.

Speed dating?
Speed dating is huge. I think there are some good elements to that idea. Like you have two minutes to say everything about yourself but on the other hand, it’s difficult to be truly successful. It’s just a good basis. If the guy is a baseball player and you hate baseball, you can get that out of the way, you know. (laughs)

Read self help books?
I think it’s difficult for men in general to accept that they may not know something. The big thing is directions. Like a man would rather drive around lost for two hours than to stop and ask for directions, because you’d have to admit you don’t know where you’re going. I think people could see what’s on the other side of studying. Your job you’ll do for forty, sixty, seventy hours a week to be successful, but you think your relationship is going to be successful with no time spent paying attention to it during the week, it’s just not natural.